The Evil Quig Bunnies of Balloonatopia
by wingsgirl1313
Summary: Bobby, Loor, and Patrick follow Saint Dane and Nevva to the territory of Balloonatopia where they run into some rather unusual quigs. Mild sexual humor.


**A/N: I'm a little nervous about writing a parody. The last one I wrote when I was a very young writer here (technically I still am, but I know what I'm doing now). Basically, it sucked. Anywhoo, I came up with this idea with my friend Mikhail in history when we were supposed to be studying. So, his ideas, my words.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pendragon.**

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After escaping the territory of Ibara, Bobby Pendragon knew there was only one thing he could do. And that was fight. Unfortunately, Saint Dane and Nevva Winter had also escaped from Ibara. Bobby had heard them shout "Balloonatopia!" before disappearing, so Balloonatopia was where he was headed. Wherever that was. Whenever that was.

Bobby had no idea what life on Balloonatopia was like, but he did know that he would need help. So he decided on two extremes. His fellow Travelers Loor from Zadaa and Patrick Mac from Third Earth. Loor was a fierce warrior and one of his best friends. Patrick Mac frequently worked with a giant supercomputer. Between the two of them, he would be ready for anything.

The trio met up in the flume of Balloonatopia. They all looked nervous. Without a word, they began to search for clothing from that territory. There was a dim overhead light, so everyone could at least see somewhat.

"I have found them," said Loor. She was standing near the flume's entrance holding up some frilly, multicolored frock. Bobby wanted to puke. It was a clown costume. Neither Loor nor Patrick looked too enthused about the clothing on Balloonatopia.

"What. The hell. Is _that?_" Bobby asked while fighting his urge to run screaming down the flume. He hated clowns almost more than Saint Dane. Especially after the psycho games on Quillan.

"I would assume it's what we're supposed to wear," Patrick said calmly. He was obviously trying to reason with Bobby. It wasn't working.

"We all know what happens when you _assume_!" Bobby shouted, his words echoing in the tunnel. "I'm not wearing a freakin' clown suit!" Patrick looked exasperated. Loor just looked confused.

"Whad does happen when you assume?" she asked Bobby.

"It makes an--"

"Stop!" Patrick hissed. "Listen!" The three did. At first, they heard nothing, but Patrick gestured for them to stay quiet. Then, a sound was heard. It was a faint rustling noise that came from near the exit of the flume. The three backed up towards each other. A simgle creature hopped out of the shadows.

"Awww!" shouted Bobby. It was a pink little bunny rabbit. It looked like it had been drawn for a children's cartoon with its big eyes and snow white tail shaped like a perfect little cotton ball. Loor held an arm out to keep Bobby from rushing at the creature.

"It is a quig," she said. "Look at its eyes." Bobby paid no attention to the bunny's eerily glowing yellow eyes and ducked out from under her outstretched arm.

"Nuh-uh! It's so cute! Saint Dane wouldn't make a cute quig!" he shouted over his shoulder as he ran at the adorable little bunny. Loor and Patrick stared at each other absolutely dumbounded. Patrick shrugged as if to say "He's going to do what he wants anyway."

The two looked back to their friend just in time to watch him hold out his fingers to the pink fluff ball of love. The bunny hopped forward and sniffed Bobby's fingertips. The bunny bared a pair of wicked looking fangs. Bobby had just enough time to think a word that wasn't exactly taught on the Disney channel before the sharp teeth sunk into his soft, unprotected flesh.

Bobby let out a very girly squeal. Patrick raised his eyebrows at the octave that he was able to reach. "LOOOOOOR!" Bobby yelled. "Get it off meeeee!" Loor sighed and walked over to where her friend was leaping around the tunnel with a pink bunny attatched to his fingertips.

"Hold still!" she barked. Bobby stopped jumping and held his hand with the bunny out to Loor. He gave her his best "pity me" eyes. With a sigh, she pried the monster's jaws open. Bobby gazed at her with a mushy adoring expression plastered to his face.

"Wow," he breathed. "Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?" Patrick's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. Loor was so shocked that she dropped the fluff ball. It promptly hopped away.

"I think the quig must have had some kind of venom. Probably a relaxing agent," said Patrick. Loor shook her head, completely and totally shocked.

"I have never before heard of quigs having poison," Loor stated. "But just in case they don't..." She slapped Bobby across the face. Hard.

"Ow," said Bobby dazed. "But that would have hurt more if I didn't love you so much! Can I have a hug?" Loor slowly backed away from Bobby, her eyes never leaving his face.

"Patrick!" she yelled.

"There's nothing I can do about it!" Patrick shouted back. "We have to wait until it wears off!" Loor and Patrick faced off. They were arguing about what to do when Bobby let out a squeal of pure delight.

"Ah! Look, Loor! Look, Patrick! More bunnies! I love you, bunnies! And I love Loor!" Bobby giggled. Loor and Patrick slowly turned around. Bobby reached out his arm to the massive--yet adorable--wall of quig bunnies.

"Pendragon!" Loor shouted. "No!" She started towards her friend, but Patrick held her back.

"The venom is probably not deadly," Patrick told her softly. "We don't need you in that state as well." Loor sighed, but she knew he was right. A lone pink bunny broke free of its bretheren. It bit Bobby's forearm. That seemed to be the signal for the rest to attack. After a horrible thirty seconds, all of the bunnies hopped away to their cute little hell-hole.

Loor and Patrick apprehensively approached their fallen comrad. "Pendragon?" Patrick asked, giving his shoulder a small shake. Bobby groaned something unintelligable.

"What was that?" asked Patrick while examining the worst of the bites.

"I asked if there was somewhere Loor and I could go alone," Bobby slurred. Patrick laughed, but at a stern look from Loor, he managed to mask it as cough.

"Why did he ask that, Patrick?" Loor asked him a little too sweetly. Patrick instantly stopped coughing.

"Well, um, you see, I'd really rather not t-tell you," Patrick stuttered. Loor crossed her arms--she made sure to show off the rather impressive muscles there--and raised one eyebrow. "Y-you see, we kinda need a lead Traveler, and if you kill Pendragon then we won't have one.." Patrick let his words trail off, not quite sure what else to say.

Loor's mouth formed a small "o" once she understood what Patrick was hinting at. She looked down at the giggling teenager covered in quig bunny bites at her feet.

"I think I need a few more bites," he slurred, trying to shound suggestive. He winked at Loor when he noticed she was glaring. She slowly stood up. To Patrick, she seemed like a lioness. Deadly and graceful. Bobby wasn't thinking clearly enough to recognize the danger.

Loor picked Bobby up, seemingly without any effort. "Hey," he said, sounding completely out of it. With a small grunt, she tossed the lead Traveler to the quig bunnies.

"I am sure they would be more than happy to bite you," she called over the sound of Bobby's screaming.


End file.
